How to Talk to Your Child About Starting Therapy
You’ve noticed your child struggling and you think that therapy would help. Now you might be wondering how to bring this up with your child. I get questions on this frequently, so I wanted to provide some tips here.
Pick a time to talk when things are calm. It’s best to not bring up the idea of therapy in the middle of a disagreement or when the child is flooded with emotion. Wait until things have calmed down to start the conversation.
Focus on benefits of therapy, not problems that need to be “fixed” with therapy. You don’t want your child to think they are being brought to therapy because they’ve been bad, or that this is a punishment. Instead of “your anger has gotten out of control and you’re going to see a therapist” try “I know how bad it feels for you when you feel out of control with your emotions. A therapist can help you talk about how it feels and help you feel more in control.”
Let your child know that therapy is a time that is totally for and about them. They can pick what to talk about, and the therapist is there to listen to them. If you’re seeking out therapy to help with your child’s anxiety, let them know they don’t just have to talk about anxiety, they can talk about a video game they’re excited about, a teacher they don’t like, friend group drama, whatever they want.
Reassure them of their privacy. Let them know that they can talk to their therapist about anything, and the therapist won’t report back to the parent at the end of each session and tell them everything they said. I (and most therapists) always talk about confidentiality in the first session so everyone knows what to expect, and what types of situations require me to tell someone what a child has said in session.
Normalize therapy by telling them how common it is. If you’ve seen a therapist yourself, tell them about what you’ve gotten out of therapy. If a friend or sibling has been to therapy before, they can also be a support in helping a kiddo feel more comfortable with the idea.
6. Include them in the process. Ask them about what type of person would they feel most comfortable with (gender, age, personality, values, in person/virtual). Once you’ve found some options, invite them to check out each therapist’s website and pick who they’d like to meet.
7. Set up a consultation. If your child is still feeling a bit apprehensive, they might benefit from a consultation. Most therapists, including myself, offer a free consultation where the child and parent can both meet and get to know the therapist a little bit before making a decision. This takes some of the pressure off.
8. Don’t force them. If your child is really digging their heels in about not wanting therapy, don’t force it. They are less likely to benefit from therapy if they are made to go, and they’re more likely to resent therapy in general and avoid getting mental health support in the future. Let them know that it’s okay to change their mind in the future and that you’re still happy to help them get some support.
